I’m not sure which is harder, the beginning of the deployment or the end. Right now I’m sitting in my room and just wishing the next seven weeks would fly by. I miss my boys so much and I realize how much I have missed in their lives this last few months. I have a picture of them by my bed (it used to talk to me but one of my lovely roommates erased it). I think about Christmas day and them opening presents without me there to see their joy, Konner’s birthday eating pizza and having fun with their friends, Kodi going to the state capital during Spring break, my Granddaughter’s first birthday and Easter coming up. All these things I wish I had been there to be part of it. I grew up in the military and never really missed my dad when he would leave, but he was never gone more than a few weeks. I know wearing this uniform is something I have always wanted; I never felt complete until I was wearing it but it does come with a huge cost. 
The first half of the deployment I really tried to Skype with them as much as possible but I guess life got too busy at home because they are hardly online. I do try and call but it’s usually when they’re about to go somewhere or they’re a little busy and don’t have much to say. I just like to hear their little voices and I love when they tell me they love me, “with all my heart”. I’m afraid when I get home what things will be like. Will they still want to sit in the chair and cuddle when we watch a movie? Will they be excited to see me? How will it be between Tom and I? There are so many questions I have and no answers. Part of me is very excited to go home and try to normalize and the other part is a little scared of what will be there when I get home. I know I’m not the only one to go through this but it is my story.
Oh Kerrie. You're breakin' my heart! Those boys love you so much. Just that little scene at Titus's b-day party was enough for me to know that. They take notice of things just b/c it's your favorite color. Kodi with his, "I wish my mom was here," comment still makes me weepy. And Konner, well, only YOU can make that boy sit still for more than a second. I can't empathize w/what you're feeling, but I can tell you...you have nothing to worry about when it comes to those boys welcoming you home with arms wide open!
ReplyDeleteYou are soooo missed. No one is too old for snuggling especially your babies. The biggest change when you get home....the cul de sac is going to be yours. 3 families are moving out. Your babies miss you, even Mazzy misses you. Where's Kerrie, where'd she go? I'm pretty amazed at how well she says Afghanistan. Sorry you are missing our birthdays. We'll have to throw you a party :D Can't wait for you to get here.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to have a party and see everyone. I tell everyone how Mazzy says "Hello Kerrie". I miss that little monster sound she makes. I hope Titus is still squishy. Konner has already told me he's going to snuggle me as soon as I get home and he's sleeping in my bed that first night. Tom's response "I know."
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