The Flip Side

 This patient story is going to be a little different...because I was the patient!  Yesterday started out like normal, got up at 0330 and went to the gym, canged and went to work.  Tovar and I had second break (1000-1400).  We went to lunch, made our usual jokes and then went back to finish the shift.  I went into the locker room to change and had this sudden abdominal pain.  It was a horrible, tearful pain.  I pushed it off as a gas attack and tried to move around and get it to go away.  I went to get report from Shafer and apparently looked like death.  She asked if I were ok, and I responded with "No, I think I need to go to the bathroom and throw up."  So I walked carefully to the bathroom and tried to rid myself of this pain. 
 

Ahhh, Fentanyl!

I couldn't take it anymore, so I finally cried out "Who's in here?"  and I heard, "It's Dr. Hight, is that you Sanders?"  Tearfully I cried "No."  She asked if I needed help and I again cried yes.  All I could think of prior to that is I was going to die, in a bathroom stall with my pants around my ankles on the toilet, in Bagram.  How humiliating!  As I slowly came out of the stall, Chaplain Shirley was there and asked "Is this mental or physical pain?"  I replied "Physical, my resiliancy is good ma'am."  So Dr. Hight proceeded to examine me in the ladies restroom.  I guess I need to clarify who Dr. Hight is...she's the Trauma Czar.  So she casually walks with me to X-ray and that's where the magic started.  Dr. Tibbits (radiologist) asked if I needed a wheelchair to go to ER and I told him no, I'd rather walk.  I'd be so embarrased if this were constipation or gas.  When we got to the ER, they asked if there was anything new...so I raised my hand.

Col McNeill showed up and while everything was going on, they asked if I wanted some Fentanyl for pain.  Again I replied "No, I have to go to work after you're done."  Col McNneill in all of her sarcastic, wonderful being said "Do you have anything for stupid?"  I turend to the doc and said "I guess I'll be taking that Fentanyl now."  I got the Fentanyl and felt really weird...I don't think I would ever be a good drug addict.  I hate feeling out of control.  Col Hughes (Chief Nurse) showed up and said "I'll take a picture for you, you'll want this for your blog."  I love these women, they get me!  Oh, I also made them my advocates and told them which surgeons and nurses could have me and who could not.  They laughed, but they understood.

I did get a visit from Dr. Cannon (surgeon) who was very nice but suggested it might be my appendix.  I said "Unless I'm a lizard and it grew back it was removed 7 years ago."  He smiled, very nice man.

There is so much more to this story, but for now I hit the highlights.  The diagnosis was a ruptured ovarian cyst.  It was the oddest feeling being the patient and having everyone take care of me.  I stayed overnight to ensure it wasn't hemorraghic.  My roommate, Mary Malatek, was my day nurse.  She told her folks that night "Be sure to take care of my roommie.  If you don't, I'll hear about it all deployment!"  I love her.  She is so awesome. 

I did try not to bother my nurse overnight. I hooked up my IV fluids, fixed the pump when it alarmed and moved the pole so it lined up more with me instead of across my chest.  Yes, always the nurse even when the patient! 

So the end, I bought myself an overnight stay, 48 hours quarters, a new perspective and the best part...a funny deployment story.