Annoyed!

I have never worked with a bunch of insecure women in my life!  After the horrible day yesterday, Shafer is in charge and she decides to give me another kid they are going to withdraw care on!!  What in God's name is she thinking!!  Oh yes, this is her payback.

She is always putting herself in the same bay as Tovar, probably because he's the ONLY one who can tolerate her.  She is a smart nurse but she has such an awful personality that no one listens to her.  Everyone is stupid except for her, she's the only one who can do anything and she is very bossy towards people.  She has no finesse.  No wonder she's alone and can stay deployed for nearly a year.

I know Annie said I should have her change my assignment but this is Shafer's way of retalliation.  It's funny, we have to do TeamSTEPPS (how to be a better team) at the END of our deployement; when everyone is so bitter and personalities are out there.  I know that I will never be this person's friend and I am done with her. 

On the better side, although no one knows what the outcome of this child will be neurologically, he did extubate well and was doing ok at the end of my shift.  I honestly hope we can keep him off the ventilator so he can go home to his family and either pass with them or live.  His father explained to me what happened to him.  First, his name is Iman.  He is a pre-teen.  He was near the road and a taxi cab hit him.  The father was so upset, he jumped off the roof he was working on and ran to his child.  His mother ran and picked him up; when Iman didn't answer she screamed and fainted.  His father sat next to his bed and prayed for his child today.  Yes, this is such savage behavior (I hope you realize this is sarcasm). 

I am still having a difficult time with the passing of Feisl yesterday.  I sat with Dr. Peterson and had a long chat with him.  I don't have a problem understanding we're in austere conditions and we don't have all the amenities of home medicine.  I understand this child's outcome was probably not positive and that withdraw of care was the most logicial option.  I am angry he suffocated.  Why didn't we put oxygen on him when he was maintaining his sats?  Why wasn't he more medicated?  Why did I see his eyes in my sleep last night and wake up in tears again this morning? 

I surely didn't appreciate the chaplain stating she didn't think I should work in Pediatrics.  She doesn't know me, she has never spent adequate time with me and when I went to her for spiritual guidance she angered me more with her flippant answer.  She stated once when we were putting together the Resiliancy program for the hospital that she didn't want to be bothered with people's personal problems.  At that moment I decided she was not someone I wanted to share things.  The second encounter was when I went to her with the horrible death of Gull Akbar and she made the flippant comment "Well maybe this will teach you not to be angry."  What the hell?  Of course I will get angry, tired, happy, sad, depressed....hello, I'm human!

Yes, this is another ranting but I can't share with anyone here so thank you for reading.